Today we have a guest blogger, Dave Ellis, an impact manager in the area of Domestic Violence, responding to the recent spate of incidents across the state.

Dave Ellis, United Way Impact Manager, Domestic Violence
All I remember that morning in July, was waking up in complete darkness to cries for help. “Where is she?” a young voice called out, over and over. I jumped up and looked at the clock — 3:00 a.m. What’s going on, I thought. Peering outside, I saw a young girl pacing in the rain outside my window.
I quickly threw on my robe and ran outside. When the young girl saw me, she backed up and repeated again, “Where is she? My mom is missing,” she said. “There’s blood on the back door and a window is broken.”
By now neighbors had gathered, and stood, staring at us in the rain—at me in my bathrobe and the young girl who, I’ve since learned, lived across the street.
She was sobbing now, saying again her mother was missing. “Mom’s boyfriend came to visit, but now she’s gone. And there’s blood on the door, everywhere.”
My next door neighbor, Deborah, stepped forward to console the young girl. I called police. We all waited in the rain for them to arrive while the young child continued to cry.
The police came and took her away. A few days later I heard that they called the incident a “domestic” and that the girl’s mother was in the hospital where the boyfriend had dropped her off. The mother’s story? No harm was done to her by the boyfriend. She had slipped and cut herself and miraculously, he “showed up” soon after, and drove her to the hospital.
This terrible incident happened almost 15 years ago. Since then I’ve worked all my life to prevent these incidents from happening to more women and children. For this is only one of countless other violent incidents I’ve heard about.
Fast forward to this past week—a roller coaster ride of bad news and some good news that efforts are being made to stop the violence:
Bad news:
- A Mankato woman was shot by her ex-husband, in the face, 3 times, in her car, in a parking lot, in front of their 3 children. He takes another vehicle and leads police on a chase.
- A woman is stabbed 70 times by her husband. Three of their children watch in horror. He says she was driving him crazy. That much seems obvious—stabbing someone that many times can only reflect the level of rage he had must have felt at the time. But the larger question remains about what the impact will be on these children in their future without a mom or dad. The oldest daughter, Brittany, called 9-1-1 while the 13-year-old took the knife and ran into the yard.
Some good news that will hopefully put an end to this violence:
- In early April, 2010, the City of St. Paul unveiled its Blueprint for Safety—An Interagency Response to Domestic Violence Crimes. This is St. Paul’s unique collaborative response to domestic violence.
- On April 7, 2010, Hennepin County introduced its Co-Parenting Courts to respond to concerns that unmarried parents need to have the same rights as married couples who are divorcing.
United Way and its partners are working on responses to these issues of domestic violence. We know that children who witness these violent incidents are the unintended victims—they suffer from lasting physical and emotional harm.
A recent national survey found that more than 60% of children have been exposed to violence, either directly or indirectly.
In Brittany’s words to the media after watching her father stab her mother, “I think this is a dream,” she said. “It don’t seem real to me.” All too often, it seems like a dream. When will we all wake up from the nightmare?